


Mary Poppins, y'all

by Hattingmad



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Genre: Fix-It, Gen, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-08
Packaged: 2018-10-29 05:17:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10847235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hattingmad/pseuds/Hattingmad
Summary: Just, spoilers all over.Two silly snips in which Rocket isn't an idiot, and Quill has some 'splaining to do.





	1. Chapter 1

"And I only have one of each."

Rocket paused, his face twitching mightily, as though he was struggling with a sneeze. Then he burst into raucous laughter.

"Naw, I'm just fucking with ya. I've got tons of these, Drax goes through 'em like candy. Man, you shoulda seen the look on your face! Whew!"

He sobered slightly.

"He's about to lose one shitty Dad. Don't let him lose the good one, too."

The Ravager almost looked crestfallen.

"But...I was going to...what about--"

"Yeah, dying won't make you less of a fuckup. We'll just have to..." here, the not-raccoon's face wrinkled in disgust, before he choked out, "do better, I guess. Ugh. That was disgusting. Right, I'm gonna go shoot something."

 

* * *

"So, Quill, tell me more about this Poppinjay badass."

"Uh, right. Mary Poppins. He was...a fearsome warrior who, uh, saw his enemies flee before him and...er...heard the lamentations of their women."

Peter frantically racked his brain for other things to tell, all the while, thinking _don't say nanny, don't say nanny._

"And she--I mean, he---had an umbrella that let him fly--"

His audience looked distinctly unimpressed. Time to improvise.

"It shot lasers out the top! And it was a machine gun! And he used to fight a T-rex once! And pirates!"

"He fought pirates?"

"No, I mean, he WAS a pirate! Just...take my word for it, ok? He was really awesome. And, uh, don't try to look him up or anything on Earth. He's--obscure."


	2. Chapter 2

The inevitable fallout from Yondu finding out was somewhat mitigated by the perplexing fact that he latched onto the idea of Disney "bowdlerizing" the true, savage story of Mary Poppins, to make it safe for children.

He then tried to _un_ sanitize it by yelling things like "I'mma get a spoonfulla whoopass on you, boy" and inserting all the curses he knew in various languages into "supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" during combat.

Rocket and Drax had a bet on if he was trolling Quill, and how hard, when the arrow started showing up in mysterious places that just happened to scare the shit out of him--over his head as he was sleeping, for example, or on a chair just as he sat down.

Mantis tried to resolve the dispute, but they tackled her before she could touch Yondu to find out how much he really knew.

Still, the sight of him using the arrow to fucking _fly_ almost made up for everything else, Peter thought. Almost.

He had a really ~~cool~~ ~~lame~~ ~~fucking nuts~~  weird dad.


End file.
